Just got engaged?! Congratulations now the real fun begins! The first thing you need to do is get some idea of when you want to walk down the aisle. Whether you’ve just started thinking about it or have dreamed about a wedding at The Plaza in June since you were playing with Barbies, I have a few tips I learned the hard way to consider before sending out those save the dates
Is It Worth It to Wait
Consider Guest Availability
Pay Extra Attention to Holidays
Be Considerate
Think About the Weather
Be Nice to Your Budget
Allow For Enough Time to plan
Is it Worth it to Wait?
Some couples go with the flow when it comes their wedding date, not putting precedence on one day over another, if you are one of those brides kudos (my husband probably wishes he had found you first).
For the more type A personalities our head starts spinning with that THIS is going to be our future anniversary date for THE REST OF OUR LIVES! Shouldn’t it mean something more to us as a couple?
What if some horrific event happened on that date back in the 1800’s and I don’t know about it until Jenny from Starbucks brings it up when I casually mention it’s my anniversary five years from now? I can practically feel my cheeks flushing as I mentally berate myself for not paying better attention in World History, my mocha frappe bittersweet.
If you can’t tell I was firmly in the overthinking it camp and, to me at least, there is nothing wrong with that, but be aware that it may limit your options. If getting married on the anniversary of your first date, first kiss, or proposal means something to you go for it, but if you are like me the next time that day will fall on a weekend is 3 years from now (and I was not waiting 3 years). So I made a list of possible dates with some meaning to us and may or may not have looked them up. (https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history you’re welcome!)
We ended up with September the fifth. It wasn’t anything too fancy or sentimental for us but I justified it by that our first date was on December 5, my son was born on July 5, having another milestone on the fifth of a month (by this point any month with it falling on a weekend) was good enough for me. If you are all in a tizzy like I was don’t worry your wedding date will be special because it’s YOUR wedding day and really nothing else will matter ( so long as you don’t run into Jenny at Starbucks).
Consider Guest Availability
First let me drop a truth bomb. While your guests obviously love and care about you very much, they have lives too (what is up with that). I kind of misstepped here. I didn’t consider until after everything was pretty much set in stone that my sister was in college across the country. Obviously I knew she was in college. I knew where her college was. What I did not know (or bother to find out) was her school schedule and of course my wedding fell on her first week back in school.
While I know you can’t cater to every guest’s schedule, I would highly recommend looking closely at the schedules of those that mean the most to you. If I could have done it over again this is probably my one regret, because I got married and my sister wasn’t there due to no ones fault but my own. If I had sent a simple call or text asking when were the best and impossible times for her, she would have been. So learn from my mistake, ask your best friends, immediate family, and anyone else your day will feel incomplete without when works for them and depending on their responses make decisions as you have to.
Depending on your group of friends and the stage of life you are at, you may find that the majority of your friends have similar black out dates. If you just graduated but a chunk of your guest list is still in school perhaps consider when finals, midterms, and breaks are. If you live in a rural community perhaps you need to consider planting and harvesting seasons when picking a date. If the majority of your friends vacation in Bora Bora for a month out of the year, first email me so we can be friends, then consider either hosting the wedding in Bora Bora or not having it in that month.
Pay Extra Attention to Holidays
Labor Day and Memorial Day are normally reduced to days when we get off of work and go eat some hot-dogs and hamburgers while lounging poolside most years, however in the wedding planning game they are worth considering.
This one can go either way depending on your guest list. If you have a lot of out of town guests a three day weekend can make travel more doable and hopefully give them a chance to be at their best for the wedding or spend some time catching up with other guests they may know . However planning too near a time when people already traditionally travel ( Christmas, Thanksgiving, Spring Break) may backfire if your guests have other plans or can’t swing multiple vacations in their budgets.
If a good portion of your guests also are of a different religion than you it may also be worth taking a quick glance at their religious calendar. Different religions = different religious holidays which you may not be well acquainted with and as much as they may have otherwise loved to attend if it is a Holy day to them they may have to check the “sorry, I won’t be attending” box.
Be Considerate
As I wove my way through various wedding boards a common theme emerged among the posts, brides in panic mode after their cousin Suzy Q announced their wedding date and it is only 2 weeks before theirs. What about my family? Who will they choose if they can’t attend both? How could she do THIS I sent out my save the dates 3 months ago!
Don’t be Suzy Q.
It’s true no bride “owns” their wedding day much less their wedding month but by planning two events in the same family or friend group within a short time period you are asking for headaches, especially when a large number of shared out of town guests are involved. Be considerate to your guests and your fellow brides, I promise it will be worth it in the end.
Think About the Weather
This one is probably a no brainer for most of you ladies. For those of you ( like me) who didn’t take a second to glance at the Farmer’s Almanac please do so now.
You see, I live in Texas. I have lived in Texas for 23 years out of my 27 years of life. Even those of you have never stepped foot in Texas can probably answer this question: What is summer like in Texas? The answer of course is it is HOT, not just any hot but blazing inferno hot. Heat that makes it so you aren’t sure if you can actually breathe. So hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk ( or so says the local news station).
Well I somehow managed to avoid acknowledging this little fact and decided September was the perfect time for an outside ceremony… In Texas. I consider myself lucky that only one bridesmaid fainted during the ceremony ( is it bad I didn’t even notice and found out later?)
My dad being my dad realized that this could potentially be an issue before I did and took it upon himself to rent jumbo fans to put on either side of the ceremony space. He even rented a van to transport them there himself . It was uncomfortable with them but without them it would have been unbearable (and they didn’t look as terrible as I thought they would either.)
So learn from me! Destination wedding in the tropics? Sure that price looks unbelievable but maybe double check it isn’t hurricane season. You live in Montana? Perhaps consider when you aren’t buried under three feet of snow (I know that’s probably a child’s play amount to y’all but our schools shut down at even the potential of ice down here). You live in Texas? Maybe think about those hundred degree temps.
Be Nice to Your Budget
If you aren’t Harper Rich or Reese Witherspoon considering your budget is an unfortunate must. Of course some seasons cost more but some days cost more too. Planning your wedding on a Friday can save money as venue prices are often lower than on the peak days of Saturday and Sunday. Picking a day in non-wedding season months can cost you less as well.
Just remember this is a trade off and spend your dollars wisely. People are less likely to attend a Friday wedding which is why it is an off day and cheaper. Off-season weddings cost less because the weather isn’t as ideal but if it makes your dream venue fall into your price range it is definitely worth at least considering.
Allow for Enough Time to Plan
Most professionals recommend at least a year and some estimates show upwards of 40% couples are engaged for 13-18 months before actually tying the knot. By setting the date far enough out you will hopefully have an experience that is more fun and less stressful. My husband popped the question 14 months before we actually walked down the aisle and even then it still felt stressful at times.
Not all weddings require the same amount of time to plan but here are a few things to consider.
- Venue Availability– If you are lucky enough to be having a backyard wedding this one probably doesn’t apply to you but many venues book years in advance. Especially if you are wanting one of your area’s more exclusive or popular venues be prepared to wait. If you have a venue in mind go ahead and give them a call and ask how far out they are booked to give you a great starting point.
- Budget– People tend to think that having a smaller less expensive wedding can also shorten their timetable, often the opposite is true. Caterers, make up artists, wedding planners, dress shops, florists, venues, bakeries, Djs, and rental companies can often make shorter timelines work at a premium price. Many who do business primarily in the wedding field plan months in advance. Most dress stores only carry sample sizes and it can take months to receive your gown and your bridesmaid dresses. A shorter timeline = expedited manufacturing and shipping which can add up quickly. You are not the only bride these companies are doing business with and to put your wedding at the top of the priority list will cost you.
- Number of DIY projects– Many weddings at all price points contain a few DIY projects but unless you are one of the fortunate few who can go to Etsy and shop to your heart’s content be sure to factor in how long each project will realistically take you. My most time intensive project probably took three weeks to complete by itself. I would say in total I had at least one craft going for an entire 6 months. Especially if you are thinking out of the box you will probably hit one or two snags and creative epiphanies take time!
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