Okay put down the pitchforks ladies!

I am not attacking you or your way of life, in fact I’m kind of envious of you.

I wish I knew what it was like to be able to produce enough milk to make the American Dairy Association jealous, I wish I knew what it was like for this natural thing to feel natural, because breastfeeding CAN be a beautiful thing.

This post isn’t for those of you who had to buy a new deep freezer to house your bags of liquid gold, it isn’t for the mama’s who have been breastfeeding for a year and are still going strong. This post is for the mama’s out there who would rather starve than eat another bowl of oatmeal, it is for the ones who have smelled like an eggo waffle for weeks, it is for the ones who have tried every smoothie, tea, and cookie with hope only to be left in tears in the end.

I’ve been there, I get it.

I was convinced when I had my youngest son things would be different.

I would not entertain the thought that breastfeeding wouldn’t work out this time. My body is made for this! I wasn’t going to let breastfeeding in public get in the way, I’d watch my diet, I’d practically drown myself in water, I’d go to lactation consultants and specialists but this was going to happen!

Until it didn’t.

I did all of the above and more.

I took fenugreek, drank Mother’s milk tea, ate oatmeal, had brewers’s yeast smoothies. I pumped between feeds, I drank water, I saw a lactation consultant, bought a nipple everter and guess what happened?

My son continued to lose weight just as my first did. Nothing is scarier than watching your child go from 9 lbs 2 oz at birth to 8 lbs two weeks later. No one wants to have to have weekly checkups for their child to make sure he isn’t starving.

My son routinely kicked my nipple out of his mouth, often the hungrier he was the worse it was. Feeding time devolved into him crying, me crying, and my husband watching helplessly from the sidelines.

I think we can all agree no one needs that. No one needs to be so worked up over how they are feeding their child that it causes psychological harm. No one needs to feel like they are less of a mother because they can’t do this one thing no matter how hard they try.

So if you are where I was then listen to me now. You are valuable. You are perfect the way you are and this does not define you as a mother, woman, or anything else. If you found this post while searching for one more trick, one more thing that will work because it HAS to, I’ve been there and I need to tell you everything will be okay.

If you are as tired, depressed, and frustrated as I was I need to tell you it is okay to throw away the fenugreek and pull out the bottle.

I guarantee it matters more to your child’s wellbeing for you to be present, calm, and loving during feeding time than what type of milk he is getting or how he is getting it.

There is an amazing bond that forms from looking in your child’s eyes as they look at you like you are their world. Some of the sweetest moments in infancy occur as their eyelids slowly get heavier and they drift off to sleep in your loving arms.

Don’t give up those moments for the sake of breastfeeding, I promise it’s not worth it.

I’m not saying don’t try to breastfeed, by all means try. See a lactation consultant, eat oatmeal, take fenugreek, pump and feed if you can,  I genuinely hope all of them work for you, but if they don’t, remember that your child is lucky to have you as their mother and that you are perfect the way you are.  Most of all remember that bottles can be beautiful too.

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